the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
