Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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