Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dick very happy bro
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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