And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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