So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
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I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
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Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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