I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
