It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
