If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
