She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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