thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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