We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
