New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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