he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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