Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
