you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
