You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
