i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
