Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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