You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
