Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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