just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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