i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
