I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
and she was petting her beer can
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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