Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
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I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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