By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
