This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
