one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
