ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
