I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
