I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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