i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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