I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
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That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
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I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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