We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
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We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
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I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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