Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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