Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
