Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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