Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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