I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
