When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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