I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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