every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She bit a glass in half.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
