The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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