You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
