the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
