Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
