How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
