You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Randomize
