He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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