I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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