Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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