Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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