Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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