I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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