Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
