Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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