Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
