if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
