He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
