I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
