Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
