you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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