and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
